we stand on guard.........

dear Canada, 


I know that we are less than a month away from your birthday and I just wanted to take a moment  to let you know that you have been very close to my heart in the last days. I feel as if you are tired. You shouldn't feel offended by this statement at all, for I know your determination, I know your conquering spirit, I know you ability to stay the course, I know of you commitment to press on. I just wanted you to know that you don't have to have it all together right in this moment. I wanted to let you know that there are many of us who are starting to take note of how you are feeling and are starting to find ways to stand up for you, to do some of the work that you need us to do for you. 


while i'm not a big birthday girl, i love celebrating others and July 1st is one of my most favourite days to celebrate  (you should know as you've seen me in my red and white dress -without embarrassment) for it is a time to find those things that make one uniquely them. those traits and qualities that separate them from all others. 


I've been reflecting on those traits that you posses in the last month and more specifically in the last days. i know that it hasn't been easy having to get up each day not even knowing what to expect--having to use all of your energy and time to deal with un-truth and scheming, having to deal with people whom you thought would act with the highest regard for your character. 


I wanted you to know now and not in a month from now what you mean to me and that I'm not going to let you stand on your own. You have afforded me the greatest opportunities a little girl could dream up. The freedom to run barefoot on red sandy beaches. The freedom to climb up glaciers to summits of views un-definable. The freedom to sweep my paddle though pristine lakes while nature serenades me.  You have given me access to education, to inquiry and research and reflection. You have given me access to culture, to learning from my elders, from our elders. You have given me road trips and adventures; moments to hear stories of regions and areas that I may never live. You have given me time to celebrate, to wear red and white with pride. You have given me courage, to speak for those who at times can't speak for themselves. You have given me time to consider peace and how we can work to contribute to keeping peace. You have given me a place that I call home. 


I want you to know that I am more resolved in my heart than I have ever been to find ways, creative, captivating, courageous ways to stand up for you, to stand on guard for you so that we may continue to SEE THEE RISE. 


so my beloved Canada, know that while you may be tired, many of us are not, in fact with our GLOWING HEARTS we are fired up committed to standing on guard for you. 

if i put abortion in the title i'm sure you will read this........

If you want me to have all the answers. I won’t

If you want to tell me that you know better. Go ahead

If you want to try to change my mind. I’ll listen

If you won’t listen to me. Don’t engage.

If you think that I’m weak in my faith. I am strong

If you are unwilling to be challenged, intelligently. This won’t go anywhere.

If you are going to judge me. I’m okay with that

This blog is a conversation on paper. One that I would love to have in person, one that I’m sure I’ll start to have in person. In the last couple days I have been reflecting on my faith, legislation, public service and how much I really don’t know in regards to the vastness of this beautiful journey we call life. (note: I’m not having a crisis of faith, not reflecting on if what I believe is true or not, not doubting the values I live my life by). I’m just being honest. These are my feeling. My thoughts. My questions.

Yesterday on Parliament Hill there was a rally. An anti-abortion rally.

“People who call themselves Christians need to take another look at what Christianity means to them and what it means to life,” Ms. Kearney said, standing with her friends under a light drizzle and cloudy skies. The Prime Minister calls himself a Christian, she said. “I’m not judging him because I don’t know the man. But, if you call yourself a Christian, then you should believe in life from conception.”

And what if he does? What if he calls himself a Christian? What if he does believe life starts at conception?

I believe in creation. I believe that there is a place for each of us. I believe that we are all broken. I believe that Eden was going to be perfect, we were perfect and than that all changed and since then there has been, is this huge void that we all fill with anything to try to make it right, to try to feel even just a bit of what Eden may have felt like. That complete-ness that love, that perfection.

As I type this, type my thoughts on a piece of paper, I’m not really scared – more preparing for the responses I’ll get back, being ready if you will for the conversation to continue.

Can I say this? Would you allow me the space to say this……that I believe that life begins at conception, that for each human being there is a plan for our lives. I look at the complexity of the human body and cant’ help but marvel at creation.  I also believe though that every single time that we suggest abortion is a sin or work so hard as to make sure that there is a punishable law, we seem to forget the people that are connected to – attached to the policy.  We seem to ignore the fact that for some reason, (insert factor here - and yes one being the individual in question was just irresponsible and didn’t want to have a kid or maybe they felt scared to admit they messed up, maybe they didn't want to be judged) an individual given the free choice irrelevant of our definition of right and wrong – choose to have an abortion.  But all of these choices, for whatever reason, just show how broken we are and should evoke in us, those of us who say we live differently a response of love.

Why have we as the evangelical church taken to two issues so passionately when the Bible isn’t just a two issue book. I feel as though sometimes we are missing out on what our faith is about. I can’t help but try to reconcile that line Jesus spoke saying “you be the first to cast the stone”.  Maybe this can help:  Tony Campolo suggested that “Those issues are biblical issues: to care for the sick, to feed the hungry, to stand up for the oppressed. I contend that if the evangelical community became more biblical, everything would change”……. And that’s what I want. I want to live differently. I want to extend grace. I want to honor my belief without dishonouring my neighbour.

Could it be that many of us just don’t have the words or even the assurance to enter into this conversation. Similar to the conversations going on in the USA right now about marriage, I am really curious as to why the debate only seems to be one way. If we as Christians believe that God’s laws are not man’s laws and than why is it so important for us to change the laws now. And why is it that we ask for separation of church and state but only for certain issues?  Another good quote that really captures my thinking:

“I don't know of many evangelicals who want to deny gay couples their legal rights. However, most of us don't want to call it marriage, because we think that word has religious connotations, and we're not ready to see it used in ways that offend us” – Tony Campolo. And this makes me look more deeply into the mystery of the love and grace that has changed my life, of what I believe.

These are things that I know to be true in my life

-          We are created

-          There is purpose in this life

-          I don’t have all the answers

-          I want people to know that I care about their story

-          I want people to know that I’m not better than them

-          I want to live my life differently.

So for right now, while I ask these questions and engage in conversation and take each day to choose love over hate, I will choose what I will be for…..

"to work in the world lovingly meand that we are defining what we will be for, rather than reacting to what we are against" - christina baldwin.

it's not easy being GREEN.......

A very famous media icon once said “It’s not easy being green” and while that rings very true in many ways in relation to the Green Party of Canada (GPC) and the Green Party of Ontario (GPO), I’m very quickly realizing that in so many ways it really isn’t that hard either because of the amazing people connected to the work being done.

The summer of 2011 was for me, one that saw me move (again?!). It was a bit hectic limiting my time for rest, required me to leave those beautiful connections that I made and re-integrate into community-  but for those of you who know me, what many may suggest is just the way Brenda does it.

I came back to Kingston, one of two cities in Ontario that have won over my heart (that other place being Waterloo) to start a new job and to reconnect in community. Lucky for me there was a provincial election waiting to greet me.

Since I can remember I have been connected to politics. So many times when asked the question “why do you like this stuff?” or “how can you find this a good vocation?” my response was “there is just something that beats a bit faster in my heart when I’m about this work”. Time has allowed me to find the words to clearly articulate that for me politics is the place where we weaves together the possibility of influence and change, where we fight for those who at times can’t fight for themselves, where we create and invite others to thread together those values that define us as a community.

I’ve never had party status. I’ve watch every major party convention since I can remember, every leadership race. I was just not in a place where I was prepare to align myself and commit so intentionally…..at least until I started to feel (yes feel) and observe that I needed to stop sitting in the background and that I needed to get involved. I was realizing how quickly my beautiful Canada wasn’t the country that I had grown up learning about, how much of those core values that shaped this beautiful nation were being repealed without even a thought given.

And so after some reflection, asking myself those questions that needed to be asked, and one last read through much of the party’s policies, I picked up the phone and called the local Green Party of Ontario office to tell them that I wanted to volunteer.

I saw my heartbeat written in the pages of values and policy for the GPO and GPC. Of course, not 100%, for nothing is every that deeply connected, except for me, my faith, but it was those values of community - supporting local farmers, healthy food, local economic growth for the economy, smart jobs, creative solutions for energy and business. There was a chord of connection to the idea that people shape our policies.

I decided to, because of an invitation; use my leadership capacity to contribute to the Kingston and the Island Greens as VP this year. In this capacity I have listened to and been engaged in so many community conversation that re-affirm to me I am in the right place, right now – that being using my talents and energy to contribute to the GPO and GPC, to sharing with others why I’m okay with being GREEN.

and so, as I have just returned home from my first, of what I suspect will be many GPO AGMs (that was held in Niagara).  I find myself reflecting on that experience.  I was encouraged to keep company with so many caring, thoughtful, smart people who want something more. I was able to observe a leader who is redefining what politics will look like in this Province. I listened to, and engaged in thoughtful debate around policy that considers people first. I was thankful for time I had to develop new connections, to engage in meaningful conversation & to contribute to moving us forward.

And it’s that last piece, the idea of moving us forward that I’m more connected to right now. As I look at the actions of the government I am more resolved to stay in it for the long haul. I think George Bernard Shaw captures so eloquently my feelings and thoughts:

 “I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the community, and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. Life is no 'brief candle' to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to the future generations.”

So I acknowledge that in many ways “it’s not easy being GREEN”, but I’m okay with not taking the easy road……..

I walked into the room. I observed more people than I anticipated would be there. I was encouraged.  I looked for my buddy Robb, President of the Kingston and the Islands Green Party. I looked for Fred and Ruth, two new friends I met in the pub while listening to the Gertrude’s on Thursday eve. I looked for Claire and Alex. I looked to see if there were any people that I meet at the National Farmers Union/CETA meeting on Tuesday eve past. I looked to see if there were others from work or city life or those whom I have bumped into at the market or at Sipps. I looked for my leaders.

On Saturday (April 14, 2012) at 3pm I attended a climate change discussion/forum with MP Stephane Dion and past leader of the Liberal Party of Canada,  MP for Kingston and the Islands, Ted Hsu and Professor John Smol.

We spent the first bit of time allowing each speaker share for approx 10 minutes. We than moved into questions (which I sometimes label the comment section).

This is where I struggle. I know that I’m going to post this blog to my facebook site. I know that I’m going to post this blog to my twitter site. I know that my fellow citizens are going to read it. I’m torn because I deeply care about people. I deeply care about making sure that I speak of the value of people and never, ever demean someone. I also though, believe that, sometimes it is important that we call out the leaders we have elected to be the ones to provide the context and the direction for moving forward – in essence – leadership.

I am a leader. I’m also a learner and someone who keeps getting better. I don’t have it all figured out and if I act like I do, than please hit me over the head or call me out.

Here’s the crux of what bothered me and what is causing me much reflection and evoking a response of other questions.

Notwithstanding that we can have another conversation around systems, if we like them/don’t like. If they are broken/need fixing. If they are evil/good, this conversation is around leadership and those we elected into leadership roles.

I was so upset to see that only one City of Kingston Councilor attended this forum. If you were in my head space (probably safer that you are not) you would hear me move between “it is a Saturday afternoon and people have lives” to “this is a huge issue, these are City Councilors AND we, the City of Kingston, are trying to be the most sustainable City in Canada – so where they heck are my leaders”……

And this is what I come to.

It is a privilege to be elected a leader. It costs something (time, energy, re-prioritization of activities). I can’t say that it’s okay that out of a council of thirteen (13) elected City Councilors only one shows up. I value the person, but I’m not impressed with inaction. There is so much human capital in this room (said when I was actually sitting in the room) that can be cultivated and purposed, and, if nothing else, just show up to hear what we have to say – just show up to listen. 

I hear the facilitator ask us what we can do. I hear responses from people who care. I reflect on the fact that i don't want our striving, and coming together to be in vain. I consider that part of the answer to the question is accountability. It is about accountability to the position that one has been given, by the people in their community. It is about using that position to maximize the human capital for good, for the long term so that we do not find ourselves out of time.  

I'm a smart young woman. I pay attention to current events. I try to learn about those areas of public service in which I don't naturally soak up. I don't know if I retained even half of the information - the numbers and stats - that were presented at the forum. BUT, I can tell you that I did retain the human capital present. I did retain the passion and desire that my fellow citizens have for wanting to be good stewards of this breathtaking bouncing ball we call home. I did retain that there is the potential to change the world. And, I'm just really sad that my elected leaders didn't get that same opportunity to feel it and hear it and than be moved to translate those feelings and those sentiments into action. 

Because I've Had Enough.........

At six o’clock tonight, I’m going to walk in a slut walk.

I remember when I was a student at the University of Waterloo I attended a take back the night event in Waterloo Park. It was a small group of women and men from the community who came together to say that violence against women needs to stop. I heard about the event, the memorial if you will, and felt a tug in my heart to attend. I wanted to say that I stand with women who have been a victim of crime. I wanted to say that I will continue to walk beside these women, extending compassion, building trust and being a safe place to land. I wanted to express that I will look for ways to change attitudes and perceptions with my male friends, my brothers. It was important for me to be there to say that I care and that I will stand with these women.  

I grew up in a home that gave me a lot of freedom, but that also had some rules. With three girls in the house there needed to be some order. One of these rules was around what we wore out of the house. My parents wanted us to learn as we were growing up that respect was important and that as girls/women, it was important to make sure that we respected ourselves. I want to be sensitive here to other cultures and to those I share community with recognizing that we all share different perspectives on this issue.  My parents didn’t control our creativity in what we wore, but there were rules around the length of the shorts we wore and tank tops and halter tops and those types of things.  Considering we spent most of our time at the farm running around in fields, playing in the garden with dirt, or trying to beat the boys at some sport, it’s not hard to understand why there was very minimal conversation around what we were wearing and why I can say that I didn’t really feel controlled in regards to what I wore as a young girl maturing into womanhood.

I don’t look back at those “rules”, if you will, around what I was wearing as a 13 year old girl as oppressive or limiting. They helped me to develop a sense of understanding that my body isn’t the only definition of who I am as a woman. I also understand that for young children as 13 years of age when so much is happening in regards to physical development, many parents are looking for helpful boundaries.

When/if I go out these days, you’ll mostly find me in jeans and a t-shirt. Comfort over style for me. BUT, there is another factor. I don’t want to be looked at, touched, the topic of conversation around how my butt looks in the skirt or how the tank top I’m wearing works on me. I want to celebrate the company that I am with. I want to dance and share conversation. I want to enjoy my time out.   

All of that to say I was in Edmonton when I heard the news.

 On January 24, 2011 Constable Michael Sanguinetti spoke on crime prevention at a York University safety forum at Osgoode Hall Law School.  He said: "I've been told I'm not supposed to say this – however, women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized." Out of this statement, co-founders of the slut walk in Toronto, the first walk to take place, Sonya Barnett and Heather Jarvis decided to use the word slut in their response. They observe that historically, "slut" has had negative connotations, and that their goal is to redeem the term. They write that women "are tired of being oppressed by slut-shaming; of being judged by our sexuality and feeling unsafe as a result."

I stopped to think about what this statement, from a person in law enforcement meant for our society. I stopped to think about my assumptions about other women. I stopped to think about all the messaging that exists specifically for women so they can be safe.

I had to really check some of my bias. So much of this conversation asks me to examine my thoughts and assumptions first.  it’s a hard conversation to have as a women, culture, childhood upbringing, faith, workplace standards all of these perspectives influence me, yet, the one reoccurring thought that burns deep in my souls is that ASSULTING A WOMAN IS NOT RIGHT AT ALL, EVER.

At six o’clock tonight, I’m going to walk in a slut walk.

I’m walking because I am a woman

I’m walking because nothing, not the clothes I wear, not the comments I make, not how my body is formed gives anyone the right to rape or assault me.

I’m walking because I’m tired of having to justify why I’m walking in a slut walk.

I’m walking because I’m tired of everyone telling me to take friends with me when I go out so that nothing bad happens.

I’m walking because I want the men in my life to know that I will not accept anything less than the utmost respect.

I’m walking because I want the leaders in my community, in my province and in my country to start working to change policy and language around violence against woman.

I’m walking because I want to stand with those who have been victims, who are healing and are victims no more

I'm walking because I want men to hold themselves and their other male friends accountable for this discourse.  

I’m walking because all over this world women are told and made to feel that the rape, the assault is their fault and I’m sick of the lies.

At six o’clock tonight, I am walking in a slut walk.

awaiting

Creativity

Awaiting

The time, the space

To evoke imagination

Uninhibited

Raw

Free flowing

Hidden passions

Awaiting

The time, the space

To awaken curiosity

Safely

Uninhibited

Freely

Depth of life

Stirs me

Awakening

 vulnerability

Vulnerability requiring

Full disclosure

Of my creativity 

Of my imagination 

Of my hidden passions

Of my curiosity

awaken

July Rush

Have you ever laid your head back ever so gently to rest it on the grass as music from the symphony danced around you just like the ballet dancers in Swan Lake? Have you ever made photos with the clouds while Beethoven whispered in your ear? Have you cautiously peered around the trees wondering when the dinosaurs from Jurassic Park might want some companions?

The sky was cloudy but still blue. It was chilly, but not so cold that you wanted to run inside. It would have been nice to have a cup of hot chocolate instead of water, but you quickly forgot about the chill in the air when the music started to play.

And it was this experience, being outside with thousands of people, some sitting on the grass while some sat on their lawn chairs that gave me hope for our understanding of community. It was this beautiful picture of family and friends sharing space and time, celebrating the amazing talents and gifts that some of us are endowed in music that reinvigorated my passion for the arts.

Drama, music, painting, photography, dance, spoken word and poetry, short story writing and abstract ideas – they are all an opportunity for expression of our humanity, opportunity for us to view afresh the creative flavor of the human spirit, and to celebrate this together.

It was for me another reminder of how I need to advocate for those things in society that grow us and shape us and allow for community to pop up in unexpected places just like a coffee shop were people share their stories through poetry, or in a backyard where someone plays their guitar or on a field where students share their talents with each other as a way to spend a night.

The arts remind me that we each have a story to share, and it allows for those stories to find a voice. They remind me of how small I am, yet how much potential exists for me, for us, for community. They remind me to dream and create and dream again and recreate again.


“To create one's own world in any of the arts takes courage.”
- Georgia O'Keeffe (American Painter, 1887-1986)